did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
