I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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