I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
