Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
