WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
