I wanna bring you to show and tell
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
