Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
