An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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