I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
