Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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