life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
