Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
