so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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