dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
