Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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