i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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