don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
