Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
