You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
