I wish my penis had an off switch
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Everything about him screamed your future.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
