Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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