3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
