if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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