i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
