Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
