I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
