i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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