I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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