I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
