Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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