There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
