Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
