I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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