I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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