She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
