Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
