I just pynch a tree in the face
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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