dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
