I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
