what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
