I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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