how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
