One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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