she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
