This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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