K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
