Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
