On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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