Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
