What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
